Mel's Filk

Mel Tatum's Filk Lyrics

Twitter July 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — melissaltatum @ 11:47 pm

While this is not a true story, it is true that my husband is a Twitter addict and I have been known to say “Back away from the iPhone”

Twitter
by Mel Tatum
to the tune of Lucille (as sung by Kenny Rogers)

When I sneezed at his cologne, he took out his iPhone
and he started to peck at the keys
as I kept on sneezing
I saw he was tweeting
and he was ignoring my plight
as my eyes started to blur
He said I must twitter
that your brains just came out your nose
I’ll tell those who follow
you can’t even swallow
cuz that is the kind of thing they want to know

Through gray fading vision
I helplessly squinted
and thought of his priorities
His wife is not breathing
and he’s calmly tweeting
it’s cyber crack, e-heroin
It is so addictive
He’s lost all perspective
For a minute I thought I was dead
Then I started breathing
and soon I was seething
I turned to my husband and said

You picked a fine time to twitter, you jerk
I’m aspirating and my lungs will not work
Back off the iPhone
I’ll find it a new home
I’ll shove it where the sun doesn’t shine
you picked a fine time to twitter, you jerk

Once I recovered, I grabbed for his iPhone
it was time he went cold turkey
I looked for a hammer, he started to stammer
Now I was the one ignoring
And when I had finished, it lay there all squished
I wiped both my hands of debris
I was triumphant; he stood there struck dumb
I hollered with my victory

You picked a fine time to twitter, you jerk
I’m aspirating and my lungs will not work
Back off the iPhone
I’ll find it a new home
I’ll shove it where the sun doesn’t shine
you picked a fine time to twitter, you jerk

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