That T-Rex Sue
by Mel Tatum
tto: A Boy Named Sue
A dinosaur bone is all I want,
just a little somethin’ I can flaunt
a bit of fossil or a stegosaurus tooth,
but then I heard about a real big find
and deep inside I knew it was meant to be mine,
that tyrannosaur, the one that they named Sue
Well at first I couldn’t believe my ears,
more T-rex bones than they’d found in years
so much better than a pterodactyl.
We owe the find to Sue Hendrickson
but the bones are in that Field Museum.
I tell you, I gotta get that T-Rex Sue
Well the bones were found on private land,
located within the Sioux Nation
and held in trust by the U.S. Government.
And if you think that that sounds perplexing
the lawsuit got even more vexing;
the judge needed the wisdom of Solomon
The skeleton was sent to be auctioned;
I knew there was no time for caution
so I ran and emptied out my bank accounts.
The bidding began at 10:15
And soon I watched in disbelief,
as the bidding topped eight million dollars
Well, I knew I didn’t have that kind of cash,
and the idea of credit made my bank laugh
my only option was to turn to a life of crime.
An inside job looked to be the way
To get me in position to survey,
the best way . . .
I could steal Sue, and make her mine –
I had to have her!
Well, sure I have a velociraptor,
a brontosaur, a triceratop
But I am not complete without that T-rex Sue.
I schemed and plotted and dreamed and planned
and as soon as I got the lay of the land,
I was sneakin’ in the back in the middle of the night
I really thought I’d planned it all,
from the laser beams to the cameras on the wall
I’d come prepared to avoid detection.
I brought some tools to take apart the bones
and to haul them I had a wheelbarrow.
I went right to work cuttin’ apart the skeleton
And soon I had a real neat pile,
one leg dis-assembled from toe to thigh
when I remembered the skull on display was a replica.
So I opened the case that held the real skull
And I reached inside and started to pull,
and I learned the damned thing weighed six hundred pounds
Well I tugged and pushed til I felt my strength sap,
and deep inside my back something snapped
I dropped like a rock, writhing in terrible pain;
and when the staff arrived to start the day
they found me still there on the ground where I lay,
clutching a single tyrannosaurus tooth
I admitted defeat and I threw down the bone,
and I called my lawyer, and I said with a groan
I think I’m gonna spend some time in the pen.
Every time I talk to school children
as part of my rehabilitation,
When they ask about a hobby, I pause and suggest
Stamps or coins! Not dinosaur bones!
Anything but that!