Mel's Filk

Mel Tatum's Filk Lyrics

King of the Hacks May 31, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — melissaltatum @ 3:51 am

King of the Hacks
by Mel Tatum
tto: Devil Went Down to Georgia

The panel was gettin’ started
it was listin’ bad sci fi flicks
tell us who’s the one who can make fans run
put some actors into the mix

We all looked across the table waitin’ for
someone to say what we all know
and the first one leaned into the microphone
and said this is an easy task.

There isn’t any question
We know who’s acting is the worst
And if you really need a hint
he’s known as James T. Kirk

now we can discuss who’s second best
there’s still an ho-ur to go
but there is just no race for that first place
cuz William Shatner is that bad.

The last one on the panel
leaned to the microphone
Said I have a name, that puts him to shame
I’d say Shatner’s been surpassed.

Kevin Costner is the one
the only one you need
his presence is as good as gold
a virtual guarantee
the list of films that he has
wrecked would really make you hurl
but I need only mention Waterworld

The panel looked a little stunned
as they thought the matter through
and sound rose from the mutterings
as their realization grew

and they thought back to the film’s release
and the audience it winced
Then their voices rose and broke loose
and it sounded something like this

Waterworld was really bad; it’s really really bad
I paid my money saw the film and thought that I’d been had
But ooooooohhhhhhh, Gooooooooooddd
I don’t knooooooooooow
I don’t know if it’s bad enough bad enough to outweigh forty years forty years of Captain James T Kirk.
I just don’t know…..I don’t know….

when the outburst stopped and settled down
We said that’s food for thought
Then she said if that’s not enough, just let
me point out The Postman

How could you ruin David Brin?
One of the worst films that’s ever been
Check it with the critics, they all did frown
Siskel and Ebert said
Two thumbs down!

The people bowed their heads
witnessed the passing of the realm
Transferred the crown and scepter
to the new man at the helm
but we said “Shatner just come on back
if you want ever want to try again
for you did rule once, as king of the hacks
you were the worst that’s ever been

and they said
There’s a new king now, Shatner’s out
Kevin holds the title, there’s no doubt
and if you need more proof say Robin Hood
And I could go on list
Wyatt Earp

and they said
There’s a new King now, Shatner’s out
Kevin holds the title, there’s no doubt
I could go on, continue listin’ films
but I’ve made my case on
Costner’s gills.