Some friends and I were talking various music things and somehow Kristen Chenowith’s Taylor the Latte Boy, and Taylor’s Response, came up. If you aren’t familiar with them, here are youtube links:
That apparently chewed on the edges of my brain because I woke up a few days ago with “Legolas’ Response” (to Mary Crowell’s “Legolas”) chomping to get out. Here it is:
Legolas’ Response
words by Melissa L. Tatum
tto: Legolas (Mary Crowell)
They like to watch me on the silver screen
Grown women become silly young pre-teens
They’re deranged. I need a change.
Could I please have a wart, or a laugh that snorts
Hey, Tolkien!
Don’t wanna look like someone to embrace
I don’t think elves need to be fair of face
But I am. Hey, writer man -
Can I have smelly breath, or look like death
I beg of you
Each time I venture outside
I run a gauntlet of four or five
I don’t wanna live this life
Before I explode, make me look like a toad
Please, Tolkien!
They creep me out always watching me
They’ve memorized every word and scene
Had enough – time to get rough
Change my looks right now or I swear somehow
I’ll do you in!
At first I thought it might be kinda cool
To have a face that made girls swoon and drool
I was wrong – it’s not the bomb
I can no longer bear girls who sigh and stare
Change how I look!
Last night I went out riding
And ended up in hiding
They keep chasing after me
Plastic surgery’s sounding pretty good to me
Change how I look
All I want to do is play my part
This really doesn’t have to be that hard
Listen up. Don’t be a chump.
Rewrite how I look right there in your book
Tolkien
